Friends Don't Let Friends Shop With Kids

My super generous friend, Amy, took care of my children yesterday so I could grocery shop alone. It was wonderful!

I thought the older they got the easier shopping trips would be, but I was wrong. My two highly energetic kids seem to think Wal-Mart is their personal amusement park. I’ve learned to navigate the aisles to avoid the toy department. The problem is not them asking to buy everything. “Do you have any money?” puts a halt to that… most of the time. But once there, balls will be bounced, bikes will be ridden and every button of anything that talks will be pushed until the entire department sounds like a creepy Poltergeist meets Toy Story movie.

Even if we manage to stay clear of the toy department, my children are still able to find their own fun. Any island of merchandise becomes the center of a race track. If they can sit, stand or climb on it, they will. The wide frozen food aisle is used for practicing cartwheels, dance moves and sliding like a rock star, air guitars playing wildly.

One day I noticed a mom blissfully pushing her cart while her four children walked dutifully beside her. The calm, obedient children watched my out-of-control rug rats with wide eyes as if they had encountered a freaky, misplaced mini-circus. How did she get them to walk beside her like well-trained golden retrievers? Does she drug them, threaten to beat them, bribe them with candy? I wanted to ask her, but Ford was hiding in one of the ten circular clothes racks, and I had to watch for movement so I could grab him before some pedophile did.

Yesterday, I didn’t have to chase anyone through the meat department and was actually able to think about what I needed. Walking through the pet aisle, I spotted a variety of leashes. Hmmm.

 Thank you, Amy, that was FABULOUS. :0)

In God's Time

I loved “Little House on the Prairie” as a kid. I daydreamed about traveling back in time to visit Laura, Mary, Ma and Pa. I’d bring with me modern-day items that would rock their world. They would think my Cabbage Patch Doll was amazingly lifelike, putting their little corn-silk dolls to shame. I would dazzle them with my flashlight. “We could dance to Pa’s fiddle in the barn at night without the lantern setting the hay on fire!” Forget Pa’s fiddle. Wait till they hear The Charlie Daniels Band on my Walkman.

After careful consideration, I decided it would be a bad idea to bring a TV. It would be too much for them. How could they begin to comprehend seeing someone live on a tiny square screen thousands of miles away? They haven’t even figured out how to get water a hundred yards up hill into the house without buckets yet. I’d have to take it slow and possibly hold back a few things lest they declare me a witch and burn me at the stake.

And, my, how things have changed since I was a kid! What would they think about our technological advances today? I remember the telephone episode where Mrs. Oleson was the switchboard operator. This new-fangled contraption, along with Mrs. Oleson’s love for gossiping, caused all kinds of strife, including the near break-up of a marriage. What kind of effect would Twitter have on these people? Albert would regret tweeting about the 15 fish he caught in the swimming hole when the entire town showed up with their cane poles. Nope, it wouldn’t be wise to jump too far ahead of the times. There are just some things these people aren’t ready for.

This brings me to the question: What things are my great grandchildren going to have access to and knowledge about that would be too much for me to understand? The Ingles never dreamed of talking with Mary in Mankato at the Blind School from Walnut Grove. Seeing her on Skype would be unimaginable. It makes my brain hurt to think what communication will be like a hundred years from now.

One day it dawned on me as I was driving (Can you see Nellie loose behind the wheel of a convertible Miata? Watch out, Willie!), that this same concept is true in my spiritual journey. There is so much about God, the Bible and prayer that I cannot seem to wrap my tiny, unimaginative brain around.

Up to this point, I have been ashamed to admit that I have a hard time completely understanding what I have been taught about God and the Bible. Some of the stories seem too farfetched for me to believe. Really, someone could build a boat that held that many animals and none of them ate each other over a forty-day period? I’m fairly certain that the stomach acids of a great fish would completely destroy a person after three days. And Moses parting an entire body of water with a little rod is hard for me to picture. (I know, lightning is going to strike me down for questioning the validity of these stories, but I have to be honest here.)

Prayer is a concept I most likely will never grasp. How does God hear all of our prayers, especially when a majority of mine are silent ones? Is it like in Bruce Almighty with the post-it notes? Morgan Freeman never did reveal how he answered all those pleas to win the lottery. And the whole free-will versus God-has-everything-planned-out-before-we-are-born thing goes beyond my comprehension.

I suppose just as Nels Oleson was not ready to learn how to utilize Facebook to market his mercantile business (“Like us, and you could win a free tiller!”), I’m not quite ready to understand exactly how God works.

And that’s where Faith comes in. Thank God (literally) for that little seed planted so long ago in my heart that has kept my beliefs strong all these years, even when my head is in total chaos. I will continue to search for answers and pray as I always have. That is the only way I will grow spiritually. But I can relax, knowing that the answers are out there, and I will one day receive them all… in God’s time.

You and 23 Others Like This

I’m a Woo Hoo Girl! In the middle of an aerobics class, I get wound up and can’t help but shout “Woo Hoo!” I was talking to a girl at the Y, and she said how much she liked so-and-so’s class because she was calm and didn’t talk too much or hoot and holler. I told her she might not want to take my class, then. “Oh, are you a Woo Hoo Girl?” Yes, yes I am.

I’m a people pleaser. The “like” button is my friend. When I see that someone “like”d what I said, it makes me happy! One of my blog posts got 23 “like”s. Woo Hoo!! I suppose this could be a good trait to have, but it has also been debilitating. I’m so concerned whether people like me or not that I’ve altered my personality at times. Whenever I post something, a status update, a blog post or even a comment to someone else’s post, I get anxious. I have turned my thoughts into words and put myself out there. What if I offend someone? What if they think I’m stupid? What if they don’t like me?

One day in high school, I was riding in the car with my mother. Evidently, I was having some concerns about someone who didn’t like me. “You know, there are people who don’t like your grandfather.” What??? That’s absurd! Everyone likes Papaw! He was former Mayor of Athens, a war veteran, radio personality, newspaper columnist and current McMinn County Trustee, to just name a few of his positions in the community. When we’d go out to dinner it would take forever to get out of the restaurant. Papaw would know everyone and take the time to stop and talk to them. Seriously, how could anyone not like him?

Chuck Redfern was a devout Christian, committed Republican and avid UT fan. He didn’t hesitate to share his ideas and positions. No person on earth could have these convictions and not be opposed by someone. So what is the alternative? Back away from what you stand for so you don’t offend anyone? For my grandfather? Not a chance. He wouldn’t have been the person he was if he was concerned about pleasing everyone.

So, while I get a little nervous and hope no one skips my class due to my overzealous personality, I will not change who I am. So, if you like me, great! If not, well, there’s always so-and-so’s class.

I am who I am. And to that I shout, Woo Hoo!!!!

Lights Out

8:45 – Lights Out.

Everyone begins to wander around the house, and we all end up on the back porch. I sit down, and Alice crawls in my lap. Cliff and Ford stand watching the light show the storm is putting on. I think how nice it is that we are all out here together as a family. The night air is cool and the absence of electronic noise is peaceful.

One big, deep, satisfying breath, and the lights are back on.

8:48 – The kids rush back in to watch “Charlie Shakes It Up,” Cliff flips the Miami/Dallas game on, and me, well, those scrabble games are not going to play themselves.

It was nice while it lasted.